We Are All See Through Just Like Glass We Can Shatter Just as Fast
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: When Eli returns to school, he and Clare are given an assignment - write a biographical essay about your partner. Clare is nervous but she'd do anything for Eli to talk to her. When he decides they don't need to work together because "they already know each other" and Ms. Dawes catches on, she decides to make the assignment a little more interesting...
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Takes place right after Eli returns to school after the accident. Taking some inspiration from SCele – but not taking her story. I hope you don't mind, hon! But really, go check out her story entitled: When It Alteration Finds. It's very good! Anyways, go check it out. I apologize, but this is slightly AU in regards to Jake and company. _

_Logistics: I do not own Degrassi or the song "Be Somebody" by Thousand Foot Krutch. Enjoy! Oh – I also don't know Eli's birthday, or their IM screen names so just make do with what I choose! _

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
****Chapter One - _You Can't Always Get What You Want _**

Clare had known this day would come eventually, but there was no way she could possibly mentally prepare herself – or emotionally prepare herself. She knew one day she would have to face him, but for a few brief weeks, she could pretend she didn't have to. Now, her façade was coming to an end. Adam had texted her last night to inform, or warn, her.

"He's coming back tomorrow." – Was all the text said.

Clare had stared at her phone, brow knitted together in confusion before she realized the significance of Adam's words. Eli would be coming back to school tomorrow. Clare had sunk down on her bed, holding her phone delicately in her hands. It took her a moment to text back.

"Okay." – She had responded. Adam had a rule in regards to them. He wasn't going to talk about one to the other. It was a simple rule, but it had driven Clare mad. She had desperately wanted to know if he was okay, but Adam wouldn't budge on the subject. It was his one rule. She knew better than to try and break it, and instead put her phone on the nightstand by her bed, and tried to get some rest.

Of course that didn't happen. She laid awake the entire night, wondering how she would ever face him after everything that had happened between them. She tried to tell herself that she had done the right thing in walking out on him – for both their sanities. It scared her how attached he had been to her that he had almost ended his life. That was toxic. She wouldn't allow them to be put in that situation ever again, and she had walked out on him.

_Maybe…maybe things aren't as bad as I think_, Clare tried to convince herself, _maybe he understands. He knows what he did was wrong, and he'll apologize and I'll apologize and he and I will go back to being friends like we were before._

It was stupid and naïve, but she couldn't help but think that maybe everything would be okay in the end. He couldn't have a girlfriend right now anyways – he needed to sort out his own issues before he could commit to another person's. Clare sighed and rolled over, hugging her pillow to her. Everything seemed so mixed up. It was amazing how things could change so quickly. She and Eli were broken up, she had a new step-family, and everything seemed flipped upside down.

It had just been a few weeks – just a few weeks and her whole world was no longer her own.

The next morning, her alarm clock rung out its familiar, annoying tune. She slapped it into silence and groggily got out of bed. She decided to get up a little bit early this morning to curl her hair. She didn't want to say she was doing it for Eli, but she was. She didn't want to look as worn and defeated as she had felt all those weeks. She didn't want him to know the effect he had had on her – that his almost-death almost killed her. Of course, his injuries were not all that serious, but she hadn't known that at the time of his phone call – and the crash most certainly could have killed him.

Clare shuddered at the thought as the curling iron heated. After applying her makeup – she paid extra care to conceal the gray bags under her eyes – she worked on her hair. Once her auburn curls were how she had wanted them, she slipped into her outfit for the day – navy skirt, black and white striped shirt, red flower headband. She slipped into some ballet flats and headed downstairs for breakfast. After pouring herself a bowl of Special K, her phone lit up, alerting her that she had another text message.

Clare glanced at her phone and read the text from Adam, "You okay? You didn't text me back."

"I'm fine," Clare lied, "Want to walk to school together?"

"Can't. At Eli's right now."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Just checking on you. Sure you're fine? You're not lying to me?"

Clare gulped. Why could Adam always read her so well? She lied again, "Nope. All is good here."

"See you at school."

"See you."

When Clare arrived at school, she headed straight to her locker. She could feel her stomach tightening into knots and tangles of nerves. She felt herself growing nauseous, but she knew she would have to face him sometime. She couldn't just hide from him forever. He would be back at school today, and they still had English together. As Clare was closing her locker, she turned just in time to see him walking down the hall with Adam.

He had his red polo on underneath a black leather jacket and he was wearing the regulation khaki pants with his Aldo sneakers – just like any other time. But Clare noticed he was different. His face looked so…_aged_. She could cover up evidence of wear and tear with makeup, but Eli was a different story. He had his eyeliner on though, and his nails were still painted black. Then Clare noticed the cane in his hand. She noticed that the cane had a skull on the top, just like Robert Mapplethorpe. Clare couldn't help but see the similarities. Mapplethorpe saw pain in beauty and beauty in pain, just as Eli could.

He was walking with an evident limp, and she wanted to scream when she noticed the people in the halls staring at him as if he were some sort of sideshow carnival act. Then she realized that she too was staring, and quickly turned away. She pretended that she had forgotten something in her locker, and busied herself with twisting in the combination as they passed. She wasn't going to be like all the other gawkers, treating him as curiosity. He deserved better than that.

When she walked into her English class, Ms. Dawes called her over to her desk, "Miss Edwards, Mr. Goldsworthy was able to complete some of his assignments through emails, but I trust that as his English partner, you will help him to get caught back up."

"Oh…" Clare's eyes fell to the linoleum tiles.

"Unless there's a problem?" Ms. Dawes raised her eyebrow, "Miss Edwards?"

"Um…no problem."

"Good. I already sent him an email previously informing him that I want you two to meet up and work on an assignment together."

"Oh."

"Due to the fact that you were unable to work on the last group project together. I want you both to write the creative biographical essay on the other that I assigned about a week back. I allowed you to do a different essay prompt because of the given situation. Now that he is back in school, I expect both of you to work on completing this assignment together. Your grade depends on his, and his grade depends on yours, Miss Edwards."

"Um…what did Eli have to say about this?"

"He's on board. You two need the grade to get a passing grade in this class."

"Yes, Ms. Dawes. Um…when is this assignment due?"

"Next Friday. I think that is more than generous. Here is a rubric for you two to review."

Clare thanked her, took the paper, and returned to her seat. As soon as she sat down, she scanned the paper –

_ Your assignment is to work with your partners on an essay about the other. Your grades are dependent upon each other. This assignment is useful to familiarize yourself with your partner and see if the two of you are a good fit to carry on as partners in grade twelve English. If so, you will keep the same partners next year; and if not, you will be reassigned. The essay must be a more than three pages double-spaced and no more than six pages typed. Please be creative with this, students. I do not want the typical, "He was born on...in...at...Hospital." Dig deeper. Get to the root of who this other person is. Good luck!_

Clare glared at the paper in her hands._ I can just tell Ms. Dawes now that Eli and I do not want to work with each other next year and save everyone the trouble of this assignment…_

She glanced up as she heard the sound of wood clanking against tile. Eli was standing in the doorway. Adam was holding his bag as he hobbled through the threshold and over to his usual seat in front of Clare. She bristled, but he didn't even seem to notice. He hadn't even looked at her.

Clare shot a glance towards Adam who sent her a small wave in return. It was so strange to her – this new tension. It was so odd to her not to hold his hand or smile at him or say something that'd make him roll his eyes and smirk or laugh. This was so different, and she didn't like it one bit. She had at least expected he'd say something to her, anything.

Adam took his usual seat next to her, and was pulling out his books when Clare leaned forward. He dropped his books on his desk and shot her, "Oh-no-you-don't" glance, but Clare ignored it.

"So…when do you want to get together and work on our papers Ms. Dawes assigned us?"

"I know you, you know me. What's there to possibly work on?"

"Well…she wanted us to work on it together. My grade depends on yours and yours…"

"I think we can handle our papers just fine without having to meet up and '_get together._'" Eli rolled his eyes so callously that it sent shivers down her spine. Clare was about to say something else, but as she opened her mouth to do so, Adam placed a hand on her arm and shook his head.

Clare sighed and leaned back against her seat. She knew things would be different, but she wasn't expecting them to be this different. He truly did hate her. Clare rested her chin on her wrist as she stared down at the tile flooring.

"So…" Adam smiled at Clare, "Are we still on for movie night? Eli says despite being a cripple, he can still kick my butt at Mario Kart, so I was thinking maybe we can move movie night to Saturday and I can hang out with Eli Friday?"

This was beginning to feel like a custody battle. Eli turned around and said, "Saturday is the signing at the comic store. Adam, you said you'd go." He shot Clare a stare with ice in his eyes. It was so cold that she felt a chill run down her spine. She didn't like the look he had in his eyes, or the spark that flashed in them. Something was different. Something had died in those eyes.

"We can move movie night to next weekend?" Clare suggested, not liking this one bit, "It's fine. You should go to the signing. We can always move around movie night."

"I guess…are you sure you don't mind?"

"Yeah," Clare lied, "It's fine."

Class started and Eli turned back around in his desk. Throughout the lecture, Clare was only partially listening. She didn't like the feeling she had about this whole thing. It did feel like a custody battle, and her heart went out to Adam for having to be in the middle of everything. Everything was so different. Her life had changed so much, and this was not what she had expected.

She had gotten it into her head that things would have been like they were before she dated Eli. Now she knew she could never go back to that, and it killed her. She wanted so desperately to laugh with him and see his smile and that wretched smirk. But things were different now – and sometimes, you can't always get what you want.

That evening, Clare was sitting at home reviewing the rubric for the essay. It was a ridiculous assignment. Couldn't they just tell Ms. Dawes that they didn't want to work together and have that be the end of it? She tossed the rubric aside and headed towards the laptop at her desk. Maybe Eli did have a point. She could easily write an essay on him without him being present. But something inside her desperately wanted him there. She hated having to write about him without him there to agree or disagree. What if she crossed a line with what she was writing? Either way, just to have him next to her, working on an assignment with her would have been better than this…

As she opened up a new document to begin writing, an evil thought entered her mind. She opened up her Instant Messenger, and noticed that Eli was online. One question wouldn't hurt, right? She sighed as she positioned her fingers above the laptop keys and gathered her thoughts. After she had mentally prepared herself for what she was about to do, she began to type, "Question: You were born on September 15th, right?"

She held her breath as she waited for a response. He was online. She knew he had seen her question. She ran her teeth over her bottom lip as she could practically hear the seconds ticking by. Finally, at the bottom of the window, it said in small type: "Goldsworthy666 is typing…"

Clare still held her breath as she noticed the "Goldsworthy666 is typing" disappear. He had erased what he said. Then it reappeared. He was retyping. What was he saying? _Come on, Eli – it's a simple question. Just reply to me!_

Finally –

"You know my birthday."

Clare released the breath from her lungs and desperately tried to think up a response. Finally, she typed, "It's such a ridiculous assignment. I mean, obviously we don't work well together. I don't even understand why we have to make up the assignment. Or at least me. I didn't miss any of my assignments."

After she hit send, she realized how selfish that sounded, and she wished she had realized it sooner – before she had sent it. Eli didn't say anything for a long time, and Clare finally tired of staring at the IM window, opened up her iTunes and listened to music while she waited for a response. She didn't hear the words of the songs – all she could think about was Eli sitting at his computer.

She decided to play a game of solitaire while she waited for a response – if he would respond. About ten minutes later, she had almost forgotten about the IM chat, until the window at the bottom of the page flashed and a ping sounded, interrupting the song she was listening to. He had replied!

Clare quickly closed out of the solitaire game, and checked the IM. All it said was –

"Good night."

Well what the heck did _that_ mean? He could have just signed off without saying goodnight. He could have just ignored her and gone to bed; but he had specifically said 'goodnight.' Clare's brain felt dizzy with confusion._ I guess I should know better – I mean, it comes with the territory – Eli is absolutely impossible to read. And just when I was starting to…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Maybe OOC and AU because what teacher would get so involved? But then again I did have a teacher my Freshman year call me into his classroom during his free period to ask if I was alright after my first break up._

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Two –**_**When English Teachers Have Too Much Time on Their Hands**_

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Miss Edwards – can I please see you two at my desk," Ms. Dawes summoned after class the next day. Clare gulped down the lump in her throat and tagged behind Eli as they made their way up to her desk. She feel like she had done something horribly wrong, but couldn't quite figure out what.

"Yes, Ms. Dawes," Clare flushed, fighting the urge to turn and look at the boy standing next to her. She could tell from the corner of her eye that he was leaning quite heavily on the cane.

"I wanted to ask you two about your essays. Did you meet up yesterday?"

"Uh…" Clare was a horrible liar, and Ms. Dawes – as well as all her other teachers – seemed to know it. Ms. Dawes stared straight at her and asked again –

"Did you two meet up yesterday?"

"Yes," Eli interjected, surprising Clare. The head she had hung suddenly jerked up and she turned to him as he said, "We met up at my house. The essays are going quite well and will be on your desk by next Friday as requested."

"I know there's some…_tension_ between the two of you," Ms. Dawes raised an eyebrow, "And I know it might not be the best situation, but you two write very well together. Something just…clicks in your writing. You feed off each other's support and critiques very well. Year Twelve English is a lot more difficult and more will be expected of you. I know you two will do well if you have each other to rely on."

Clare flushed violently and felt her knees grow week. She did not want to be standing there having this conversation – especially with their English teacher. Eli seemed to notice and turned to her, his eyebrow quirked.

"I just want to evaluate you two as partners through your essay assignments. But in order to do that, I want you two to work together. That means you need to put all this stuff behind you. It would be a pity to see such a good partnership crumble. Miss Edwards, you are aware I'm talking about this in regards to your relationship in this class and nothing further, correct?"

Clare felt sick. Was she really that transparent. And wait a second…was that a - it was! There was a fraction of a smirk lifting the corner of Eli's lip as if it were a marionette. She had begged for that smirk yesterday, but now felt herself grow sicker at the sight of it. This whole situation was less than desirable, and she could practically melt into a puddle of mortification on the linoleum tile flooring.

"Yes, ma'am," Clare nodded solemnly.

"Very well. I have taken the liberty of typing up a set of questions I want the two of you to answer. The rest of the class was given just the rubric I previously gave you two. They did fine with that. However, you two are my strongest students and my strongest partnership. I want you to use these questions as a guide as you determine your standing with each other. If your essays relay that you do not wish to carry on as partners, it will be a shame, but you will be reassigned. However, if these essays tell me you two still want to work together, then I am sure Year Twelve English will be easier on you."

Eli stiffened and Ms. Dawes continued, "I just don't want to see a partnership like this crumble. You two work so well together, and have both improved throughout the semester because of your reliance on each other. A lot of partners just meet up and do the bare-minimum and move on. But you two are different. You," she turned to Eli, "Aren't afraid to tell her when she's overthinking something. And you," she turned to Clare, "Aren't afraid to show him that life isn't all darkness, and to show him how to write about the light every once in awhile."

Clare couldn't fight it anymore. She cast a small glance in Eli's direction, and he stared down at her out of the corner of his eye. She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking right then – what was going through his head. Was he feeling dizzy right now too?

"Here you two are," Ms. Dawes handed them both a sheet of paper, "Your questions. Meet up with each other and actually talk about these things. I am trying to save something here. Give it a chance. Write about each other. If it's evident you two cannot work together, then I will reassign you. But I just want you to give this a chance for your partnership's sake."

"Yes ma'am," Clare nodded, taking the paper form her, "Thank you."

Eli nodded too, and they headed towards the door together. Clare was glancing over the piece of paper as she was walking, and practically walked right into Eli as he was opening the door.

"Maybe you're the one who needs the cane, Edwards," he rolled his eyes, "You looked like you were going to fall over back there."

Once they were safe out of the earshot of Ms. Dawes and in the hallway, Clare said, "I just didn't want to have that conversation with her. It's our business. I don't get why she is so involved."

"She had a point though," Eli shoved the hand without the cane into his pocket, "We _did_ work alright together."

"Yeah," Clare didn't know what to say. Eli's face twisted slightly, and he was growing bored. To make things interesting, he grabbed the piece of paper out of her hands and glanced over it, "Hey!"

"I'm reading, Edwards. It's rude to interrupt," Eli held up a finger and continued to scan over the paper, "_Are you emotionally honest and vulnerable with each other as partners?_ What the hell? What kind of question is _that_?" Eli's brow furrowed, his fist clenching tightly around the paper, "This is what happens when English teachers have too much time on their hands."

"Well, maybe it means are we…are we unafraid of hurting the other's feelings. You weren't afraid to critique my writing…"

"Yeah because it needed help. You were so…stuffy."

"Yes," Clare tried to keep her voice level, "No one had ever really corrected my homework or anything like that. I make good grades, and everyone just follows along with it. No one had ever given me any real feedback or constructive criticism before, until you. You weren't afraid to do that. You told me where I needed to improve, and I trusted you and listened to you and…you were right."

"Always am," there was that fraction of a smirk again, and Clare felt her stomach swell with the flapping of a thousand butterflies' wings.

"I know it's not ideal right now. You don't want to speak to me, and I don't really want to speak to you either," Clare lied, "but I think Ms. Dawes is right. Our writing just...flourishes when we work together. It'd be a shame…to lose that."

Eli nodded curtly, "So we'll work on the assignment. We'll humor her a bit."

"Exactly. And in the end, whatever happens, happens."

Eli nodded again, and was about to say something else when Adam came up behind them and said –

"So, what was the deal with Ms. Dawes? Why'd she want to see both of you after class?"

"That woman _seriously_ needs to get laid."

"Hey!" Clare glared at him.

"Well…" Eli shrugged, "…it's true. She wants us to write an essay about each other and if we are…oh what was the term? _Emotionally honest and vulnerable with each other as partners_ – that was it."

"_What_?" Adam nearly choked on his own saliva, "Are you serious?"

Eli nodded solemnly, "'Fraid so. See what I mean by '_she needs to get laid_.'"

"Definitely."

"You two are foul!" Clare rolled her eyes, "Ms. Dawes is just trying to help…albeit, maybe in not the most _convenient_ way…"

"Clare," Adam turned to her, "Those kinds of questions are what you get in those '_Questions to Ask Before You Get Married_' articles…"

"Whoa," Eli placed a hand on Adam's chest and stopped them all in their tracks, "Since when do _you_ read '_Questions to Ask Before You Get Married_' articles…"

"Sometimes in the checkout lines at the grocery store," Adam cringed.

"Bud, you have _got_ to start those testosterone treatments!"

Adam punched him in the arm and Eli cried out, "Ow! Dude – what the hell?"

"Still think I need those testosterone treatments?"

"Not in regards to your ability to punch," Eli clutched his arm, "But really bud, _wedding magazines_?"

"Can we just ignore the fact Adam reads wedding magazines and focus on the fact that Ms. Dawes' questions seemed to be derived from one?" Clare interjected, "Does anyone _else_ feel weird about that?"

"I do," Eli volunteered, raised his hand, "I mean,_ relationship questions_? I am starting to think she assigned us this essay and these questions for ulterior motives."

"_Ya think_?" Clare shot him a look as if to say: 'are you completely off your rocker?'

"I know she's trying to help out our partnership for English class…but don't you think this is a little much?" Clare asked, "I mean…relationship questions? _Really_?"

"When are you two going to start your essays?" Adam asked.

"Well…" Clare mulled it over before saying, "I think we should get together and ask each other these questions, then write down the responses and do our essays from that. What do you say?"

"Fine by me," Eli shrugged, "Want to start today after school? The sooner we get this over with, the better."

"Sure," Clare nodded, "That works."

"Can I tag along?" Adam raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" Eli's brow furrowed.

"Because this is going to be most entertaining thing since…well, I don't think this can honestly compare to anything else on the entertainment scale. Seeing you two answer relationship questions about each other? I'd pay money to see that!"


	3. Chapter 3

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Three: _There's a lot You Don't Know_**

The threesome met up in the library after school as agreed. They found an empty table towards the back, and Clare took out her piece of paper with the questions. Ms. Dawes had spaced each question so there was room to write out the answers underneath. She had to admit, she was curious as to what Eli would answer.

"How are you two going to do this?" Adam asked.

"Well," Clare wet her lips, trying to gather her thoughts and keep her heart from beating a thousand miles a minute, "I say we just ask each other the question and write down the answers. Then, we can go our separate ways for the actual essay portions. Sound good?" She tuned to Eli who was playing with the silver skull on his cane.

"Yeah, sure," he shrugged, and Clare felt her heart sink to her stomach. He seemed so passive. Wasn't he somewhat okay with her just a few hours prior? She detested these mood swings and how she was unable to know what was going on inside his head. It hadn't been that long ago that they had even smiled together. Why was he so cold all of a sudden?

"I guess I'll ask you the first question," Clare cleared her throat and read off of the paper, "_**Does your partner exhibit behaviors that you are not proud of**?_"

"What kind of question is _that_?" Eli's attention snapped away from the skull and was suddenly focused on Clare.

"Just answer the question, Eli. Do I have any characteristics that make you ashamed to work with me as a partner? Be brutally honest – I think that's what Ms. Dawes is going for with this assignment – brutal honesty."

Eli's face twisted up and she could almost see the cogs turning in his head. _Just please answer the question_. Clare's breath caught in her throat, and she was scared of his reply. It was then that she realized just how terrifying this whole assignment in general was for her.

"Uh…" Eli ran his teeth along his bottom lip, "I don't know if it's really being ashamed to work with you or not being proud of this certain characteristic, but sometimes your too literal. Your writing gets to be…dry at times. You don't put enough of you into your writing. You focus too much on the uh…calculations of writing. You focus on correct grammar and advanced vocabulary so much that you forget the meaning of what you're writing. Does that make sense?" He tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow.

"Perfect sense," Clare nodded, tucking an auburn curl behind her ear, "I know I have a hard time with that. I worry so hard about being perfect, that sometimes I forget that there's beauty in mistakes."

"Exactly!"

"Alright," Clare scribbled down the answer and explained, "I'll write down the answers you give me, and you write down the answers I give you."

"Alright."

"So…my answer to that question would be…" Clare tapped the eraser of her pencil on the table for a moment, "Sometimes you use too much emotion – well, not necessarily_ too much_ but your use of it gets in the way. It clouds your judgment and you aren't grounded in your work. You get so emotional that you sometimes forget the basics of writing – the grammar and vocabulary."

"Fair enough," Eli nodded, "I'll accept that," and he scribbled down the answer, "What's the next question?"

"What is the single most important thing for a partnership to be successful?" Clare read off the paper, "Eli?"

"Trust. _Hypothetically_, you have to trust that I am going to give you good criticism that will ultimately improve your writing."

"And you have to trust that I will do the same."

"_Hypothetically_," Eli reminded her, "What about you? What do you think is the single most important thing for a partnership to be successful?"

Clare tapped the eraser to her lip and answered, "That we get along. We can't have a good partnership unless we have some sort of relationship as a foundation – friendship or…otherwise."

Eli nodded, "Which probably means we won't make the best partners anymore."

Clare shook her head and wrote down the answer. She didn't look up as she read off the next question – she was too terrified to. "_**What was your first impression about me when you first met me?**_"

"Clumsy," Eli smirked, "Definitely clumsy. And you?"

"Psycho."

"Thank you. I take that as a compliment."

"You would," Clare let a small smile cross her face, "I mean really, Eli – who drives a _hearse_?" As soon as she said it, she regretted it. Adam's eyes turned to saucers and he shot her a look that said, '_I can't believe you just said that_.' Clare's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes grew wide, "Eli…"

He shrugged, "It was just a car."

"It wasn't…"

"Next question."

Clare swallowed the lump in her throat as she read off the next question, "_**In a partnership, what would make you happier – sharing or sacrificing?**_"

"It needs to be an equal balance of both," Eli explained, "But I find myself to be more of the sacrificing type. You?"

"Agreed. Oh, now we're getting into some interesting questions!"

Eli's eyes fell to the paper and widened excitedly, "About time! Edwards,**_ if you could have dinner with nay three people from any time – fictional or non-fictional, who would they be, and why?_**"

"Hmm…" Clare nibbled on her lower lip, "Well, I guess I'd have to say…Chuck Palahniuk because he is a literary genius. He would definitely be my first pick. Next…I'd have to say…um…Jane Austin because I would love to sit and ask her all my questions about love…and finally…Patrick from Perks of Being a Wallflower because he is so full of life and never afraid to be himself. Maybe he could pass on some of that confidence and assuredness onto me. Your turn."

"Well, I'd pick Christopher Nolan because I severely want to pick that man's brain. The guy is a freaking genius. Next, I would have to say Judas from the bible…"

"Why's that?" Clare's brow furrowed – she had never heard Eli mention Judas or the bible before, for that matter.

"I want to ask him if – if there _is_ a God – God had mercy on him. He was only doing what he had to do. If he didn't, someone else would have to. He was damned since he was born – destined to be damned, if you will. In the bible, it says he was tortured mentally for what he had done, and ended up hanging himself to escape. That should have been hell enough. He shouldn't have had to suffer any more. The man clearly showed immense regret. Anyways, just my two cents. And finally…Arthur Miller because I'd want to pick his brain too."

"Wow," Clare didn't really know how to respond to that. She had never known Eli to be any sort of religious person, but his explanation for choosing Judas sent chills down her spine. She nodded, jotted down his answers, and said, "I've never thought about Judas in that light before."

Eli shrugged, "It's always been at the back of my mind."

"What's the next question?" Adam craned his neck to look at the paper.

Clare read, "_**If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?**_"

"Hmm…" Eli thought it over, "Well…I guess I would see the world. There's so many places I'd like to visit – New York, Italy, London, Paris…I can't pick just one place. But that's what I'd do – I'd see the world. I'd get into all the museums and theaters without having to pay a small fortune to do so. I'd also get to do fun stuff like play poltergeist and freak out Adam."

"Hey!" Adam glared at him, "Not fair!"

"Aw, but it'd be hilarious. You'd walk into your room and I'd start moving your stuff around. It'd drive you absolutely crazy! And that goes for you too," he pointed a finger at Clare, "Your room is so organized, it looks like a librarian lives there. Imagine all the stuff you spent hours organizing just ever-so-slightly moved out of place."

"Oh that's cruel!" Clare couldn't help but find herself smiling slightly as she said it, "Well, if I were invisible, I'd do the same thing."

"You would not," Eli folded his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, "And you know it."

"How do you know?" Clare sat up straighter, "Hmm?"

"Because you'd do something so…innocent as moving a piece of paper out of place and then you'd feel so guilty about it and stand there and look at it for a few minutes and then move it back into its correct place. It'd _bother_ you to do something like that."

"It would not!"

"Clare," Eli raised an eyebrow, indicating he knew better.

"Alright, fine. If I were invisible, I'd probably do what you'd do – go to all the museums and theaters for free, see the world, that sort of thing. _**What made you laugh the hardest in your entire life?**_"

Eli bit his lower lip, "Uh…pass?"

"You can't pass, Eli. It's not how the assignment works."

Eli let out a soft growl and rolled his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at her as he said it, "That time when we had a pillow fight in your room."

"Really?" Now that took Clare by surprise. She sure wasn't expecting that sort of answer from him. She tilted her head and said, prompting him to say more; finally he gave in and explained –

"It was the first time I had really, genuinely laughed since I lost Julia."

"Oh," Clare blinked, not knowing what to say, "To be honest, that was the hardest I had ever laughed too. I mean, it's not every day I can kick someone's butt at a pillow fight."

"Oh, Edwards," Eli winced, "You have your facts _painfully skewed_ if you think for a _second_ it was _you_ who kicked _my_ butt. I think I remember you laughing and begging me to stop because – because why?"

"I didn't want my hair to get messed up," Clare's hung her head, but she was smiling nonetheless.

"And where was I?" Adam demanded.

"Luckily not there or else you would have probably not been happy to sit there by yourself as we did what happened next."

"What did happen next?" Adam raised an eyebrow, now suddenly curious.

"You can use your imagination for that one," Eli patted him on the shoulder as Clare blushed furiously, recalling the rather steamy make-out session, "Next question," Eli turned to her as if nothing had just happened, and she had to try hard to regain her breath. _Why does he still have this effect on me?_

"Um…_**what is your favorite childhood memory?**_" Clare asked, once she had regained her breath after her mind had wandered itself back into that memory of them on the floor…no! She was not going to revisit that place.

"My dad was working at the radio station he worked for before we moved here. I must have been about eight or nine when he was going to get to interview Metallica. I had grown up listening to my dad's music, so I knew who they were. They were like, one of my favorite bands, but at that age it was mostly just because he liked them. Anyways, as soon as he heard, he called Cece and asked her to pull me out of school for the day. She did – using some lie that some great cousin on Bullfrog's side had died. Anyways, she dropped me off at the station and I got to sit in on the interview and shake their hands and even got a signed t-shirt from them. Bullfrog even…he even let me ask the final question on the air."

"Wow, Eli. I didn't know that."

"There's a lot you don't know, Edwards. And a lot you do."

Clare nodded, letting that soak in before she said, "You have one of the coolest dads in the whole world, Eli."

"No," he shook his head, "I _do_ have the coolest dad in the whole world," a small smile played at the corners of his mouth, "That memory will stick with me forever. What about you, Edwards?"

Clare sighed, noting that now they were broken up, he was resorting to calling her by her last name a lot more. She didn't really know what to make of that, but shrugged it off and said, "When I got my Madam Alexander doll the Christmas I was about nine. I had seen her in the window display, and had admired her for months. She was so beautiful. She was an antique, and pretty expensive. I had my usual Barbies and plastic dolls, but there was something about this one. I just…had this sort of respect for the beauty and craftsmanship. I wanted that doll more than anything. My dad gave it to me."

Eli nodded, "The one sitting on your dresser? In the uh…blue dress?"

Clare smiled, impressed that he recalled that memory, "Yup. Unwrapping her Christmas morning and knowing that my dad had done that for me, it was such an amazing feeling. Um…next question. _**What is your…**_" she paused before continuing, shocked by the words in front of her, "_**…deepest regret?**_"

Now that certainly was not a question she had been expecting, or looking forward to. She wondered what Eli was thinking as his eyes lowered to the table and he began to drum his fingers on it. It was a habit of his when he was nervous, and Clare wondered what in the world that meant.

"Lots of things all seem to be on equal playing grounds in regards to that," Eli explained, "For example, the night that Julia was killed. I regretted the last thing we did together – fighting. I still regret the words I said to her that made her get on her bike and ride off like that – so…carelessly. I regret the way I shut down after losing her – and how I turned to hoarding. I regret…bringing someone into my life when I was clearly not emotionally ready to do so. I regret…putting you in the middle of my problems, Clare. I regret how you were forced to deal with me. You never signed up for all of this…"

"I…Eli…"

"I'm not done yet," his voice was velvet, "Clare, I regret calling you that night. I regret closing my eyes and stepping on the accelerator and acting like I had nothing to live for. I regret putting you in that position. I regret the feelings I forced you to feel that night. I regret…hurting you. I never wanted to…"

"I know," Clare tried to keep her voice from cracking as she said, "You were going through a lot. You…you weren't ready to bring another love into your life, and I get that. It was too overwhelming for you. And I didn't help. I pestered you about Morty and I…"

"I didn't crash Morty for you, Clare," Eli said, his voice level, "I crashed Morty because I am _sick_. During the time I was out from school, Bullfrog and Cece had me meet with several therapists. I have Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and Anxiety. It wasn't you that made me crash Morty, Clare. It was all these chemicals sloshing around in my brain."

"Eli," Clare's eyes filled with tears, "I-I didn't know…"

"I'm on meds now to even me out – keep the chemicals from having another meltdown. It's not easy, but I am working on it. I regret hurting you that night, but I guess I can't really regret the crash too much. The crash…the crash was a wakeup call to my parents and to me. I needed to get help. Now I finally am."

"I'm glad you are," Clare nodded, blinking so the tears wouldn't escape, "That's good, Eli."

"What's your biggest regret?" He asked.

"Walking out on you in the hospital like that. I-I know we weren't good for each other, Eli. We were too…toxic almost. It wasn't healthy for either of us. I know we needed to end it because you needed to get help and I needed to focus on getting my things together too. But I shouldn't have done it like that. Not with you in the hospital, bleeding and reaching out to me. I shouldn't have…"

"I didn't deserve anything better than that. I probably deserved worse. You probably could have slapped me on that gash on my forehead and kicked my fractured leg, and spat at me and called me every bad name in the books, Edwards. I still would have deserved more…for what I put you through."

Clare stared down at the table and blinked again. Eli had caught on this time and said –

"Don't do that. Come on, let's just see what the next question is, alright?"

Clare nodded, wiped at the tears on her cheeks, and cleared her throat before reading. Adam was sitting there watching both of them, his eyes shifting from one to the other. He had expected this to be a drama-session filled with banter. He wasn't expecting this. Suddenly, he felt like he was intruding on something.

"Guys, I should probably get going," he said, packing up his things, "Eli, call me later, alright? Clare, see you."

"Oh, are you sure?" Clare asked, not really knowing how she felt about suddenly being left alone with Eli.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

After he left, Clare wiped at the tears a bit more and Eli reached across the table – holding his hand out. Clare placed a shaky hand inside his, and he squeezed lightly.

"Please don't," he said, his voice so soft she had to strain to hear it, "Don't cry. Let's just do this assignment and…and work on our essay. Don't cry, Clare. Please."

Clare nodded, releasing his hand. She sniffled once, and then read, "_**What is the worst lie you ever told, and did you get caught?**_"

"You can't get caught if it's a lie you tell yourself," Eli stared down and begin to chip at the black polish on his thumbnail.

"What was the lie?" Clare's brow furrowed.

"Can we pass this one for now?" Eli asked, "I'll answer it later."

"Um…okay," Clare gave in, "Sure. Should I say my answer now?"

"Yeah, if you want."

"Alright – the biggest lie I ever told was when Darcy asked if I was okay with her going to Africa. I wasn't. I didn't want her to go at all, but I told her I was fine because I knew it would make her happy. I don't think she knew I wasn't. I tried really hard not to let her see. She was just so happy and excited about getting to leave behind everything – this school, my mother – and move on and do good with her life. I couldn't be selfish and ask her to stay behind for my sake."

"I forget you must miss her terribly."

"Not a day goes by when I don't think about her," Clare sniffled again, "Um…next question. _**How do you handle people you don't like?**_"

"Oh, we all know this one," Eli smirked, "Remember how I was about Fitz? Yeah…I don't quite handle it very well. I tend to think I am the only one that's right and everyone else is wrong and I get frustrated when people don't see things my way. What about you?"

"I try to see things other people's way. I try to be more passive, and not put myself in a conflict. I hate conflict."

"I know."

"_**What's the hardest thing you've ever done?**_"

"Move," Eli answered, "Leave behind Julia's grave. You?"

"Watch my parents fight and know I can't do anything to stop it. _**If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?**_"

"New York City. You?"

"Paris, France. _**If you could travel through time and meet yourself as a child, what would you say?**_"

"I'd tell him to enjoy the magic and beauty and goodness kids see the in the world, because when he gets older, he's going to be pretty screwed."

"You're not screwed," Clare's voice was soft, "Eli, you're not. You're getting help."

"But I've screwed up. I'd tell that kid not to take for granted goodness. Because I did, Clare. And now the goodness is gone."

"Not completely. There's still beauty in the world Eli. You just have to look for it."

"What about you?" He asked, "What would you say?"

"I'd tell myself to not be so uptight and shy. I'd tell myself that there's a whole world out there waiting to be explored if I could just look past the rims of my glasses."

"Is that it for the questions?" Eli turned the page over expecting more.

"Yup," Clare tapped the pencil to her copy, "Except the one you skipped. What did you lie to yourself about?"

"You're not going to let that one slide, are you?" Eli asked.

"It's the assignment, Eli."

He rolled his eyes and put his things in his backpack as he said, "And heaven forbid Saint Clare not do one hundred percent of an assignment!"

"Just tell me, Eli," Clare stood from the table and heaved her bag onto her shoulder, "What did you lie to yourself about?"

Eli let out a soft growl that seemed to be more of a sigh, and said, "That I'm over you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Oh my goodness, I am actually updating! What is this oddity? Haha I am so sorry I fell away from the fandom and I am so sorry for neglecting this story. I was re-reading some of your reviews, and you all are fantastic and amazing and I just love you all so much! Thank you for putting up with me!**

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And We Can Shatter Just As Fast  
Chapter Three: _Toxic _**

After Eli had confessed that, he had turned a shade of crimson, and clenched so tightly onto his cane that his knuckles turned a ghostly shade of painful white, "I should go. Bullfrog usually picks me up about now."

"Oh," Clare didn't know really what to say, or do; it was as if she was completely frozen from the shock of his confession. Once it sunk in what he said, she caught his elbow and stopped him from leaving just yet, "Eli, I think we need to talk."

"Those dreaded words," Eli smirked although it wasn't a lighthearted smirk, or a teasing smirk. Something about it was off, and Clare felt her stomach clench with nerves. She did not want to have this conversation again. She didn't want to hurt him again. But she also knew that they needed to get some things straight before continuing onward with whatever had just happened.

"Eli, I...I did enjoy this afternoon with you. It was nice to talk with you again, and spend time with you. And I admit, I even had fun with you today. But I just want to make sure that we are on the same page here. I-I don't want us to...to get attached."

"_Attached_?" Eli's brow knitted together, "What am I, a stray puppy your parents won't let you adopt?"

"You know what I mean," Clare sighed, taking a minute to try to gather her thoughts in the most eloquent way possible, "I just...I just don't think it's wise for us to really get attached to each other. Yes, this afternoon was fun, and if we have to work together as partners next year we'll manage, but I just don't think it's a good idea for us to be really...friendly."

Eli raised an eyebrow again, and Clare nibbled her lower lip before continuing.

"It's just...I don't want us thinking that there's any chance of..."

"Of what, Edwards?" Eli asked coolly, and she could feel her stomach churn.

"Of us...well...getting back together."

"Who said anything about that?"

"You just told me you're not over me."

"Yeah, and a blind person could even see you're not over me. What's your point?"

"Well...don't you think that's dangerous?"

"Clare, when I first came back to school, I didn't want to have anything to do with you. I was pissed at you and hurt. But we're going to see each other so we may as well be civil to one another. I never said we should be friends again...just...civil."

"Civil it is then," Clare straightened, "I just don't want you to think that...that this changed anything. I mean, I know you're going through a lot right now Eli, and the last thing you need is drama surrounding us. We need space, and I get that and support that."

"Okay," he was looking at her as if she was crazy and Clare felt a blush creep over her cheeks.

"I-I am not being rude here, Eli. I just don't think being buddies is what we need right now. We just need space and maybe once we're both more stable, we can think about being friends. For now though, I just think it's too dangerous. We're toxic for one another, and..."

"Just because I said I wasn't over you doesn't mean I think we should be together, Edwards," Eli headed out the door, Clare at his heels, "You're right about us being toxic. I'm not what you need in your life, and to be honest, you're not what I need in my life. I think distance is good, but we have the same classes, the same friends. I' think we need to establish a professional relationship so as to not completely want to strangle the other when we are forced to be together."

"I agree," Clare nodded. She felt a pang in her heart as she said it, but she knew they were right. She wanted to be friends with Eli, and she wanted to go back to the way things were. But that afternoon, she realized exactly how dangerous that was. When they were friends, the only thing she thought about was getting him to kiss her. She didn't want to think those thoughts again. He didn't need the drama of a girlfriend or a girl having a crush on him. He needed to focus on getting better, and Clare didn't want to get in the way of that.

"Good," Eli nodded curtly, "Well, I'm going to work on my essay tonight. I should have it finished by tomorrow."

"Great," Clare feigned cheeriness, and Eli could tell, "I'll do the same. Tomorrow, we can exchange essays and look over them to see what we think."

"Yup, the last thing I need is you confiding to Ms. Dawes that I slept with a stuffed bear until I was twelve."

Clare tried to suppress a giggle behind her hand, and Eli pointed a finger at her, "Don't giggle. Giggling is a friendly action and we're only supposed to be civil acquaintances."

She felt her stomach sink and she noticed something fade in his eyes - a little spark of whatever may have once been there. This was harder than she had imagined. She knew she was making the right choice though. They couldn't go on hating each other and getting in the way of school and their relationship with Adam, but at the same time to be anything more than just acquaintances was far too dangerous. Friendship lead too quickly and too intensely to other desires and feelings that they just shouldn't - and couldn't - have towards one another.

It was almost dusk outside by the time Adam arrived at the Goldsworthys' house. He hadn't even had time to knock on the door when Eli opened it up and dragged him inside and upstairs to his bedroom, out of earshot from his parents.

"What the hell, man?" Adam demanded, "Why did you want me to come by so quickly, and what's the deal with the whole being-dragged-upstairs thing?"

"It's Clare."

"Of course it is," Adam rolled his eyes, "You two just need to cool your jets and figure out all these feelings..."

"No," Eli shoved Adam onto his mattress as he paced around the room, "You don't get it. I don't need to figure out my feelings towards her because I already know how I feel."

"And how do you feel?" Adam asked cautiously.

"Annoyed. Pissed. Angry. Frustrated. I know I still love her, Adam. I-I don't think I am hardwired not to love her."

"So...?" Adam raised an eyebrow, "What's the issue here? You two need to talk and..."

"We did talk. You saw how that went. We were almost...it was like old times, Adam and that's dangerous. It _can't_ be like old times."

"I know," Adam nodded, even though he didn't understand at all. It was so obvious to him that they still liked each other. Sure they had a ton of stuff to work out, but that didn't mean things had to be all weird in the process. He didn't like weird, not between his two best friends.

"We came to an agreement that we can't be friends, Adam. I mean, in a perfect world maybe but this world is far from perfect. When we were friends before, all I could think about was...was getting her to kiss me. And remember how that didn't exactly work out all that well for me for awhile? Well, I felt that way again today and...and I think she must have picked up on it or something. She was the one that suggested we keep our distance. I mean, it was nice to have this afternoon with her, but it is too dangerous to feel these things for her. I can still love her, but I can't...I can't deal with this wanting to kiss her, wanting to get back together thing."

Eli leaned against his desk and picked at a thread on his sleeve, "I just can't think that about her. I need to focus on getting myself together, Adam. I can't focus on - and you know how much I hate this word - a crush. I can't focus on a crush right now. If I spend time around her, I want to hold her hand and kiss her and make her laugh and hug her and I just can't feel those things. I can't put her in that position again. I am sick, Adam. I need to get better and I don't want to drag her into this again."

"Maybe she feels the same," Adam suggested, "Maybe that's why she made the suggestion. She's probably scared of the feelings she has for you. But do you really think it's best to just bottle these things up and go on with your lives either being minimally civil or completely ignoring one another? That's not healthy either, Eli."

"I know that," Eli sunk down on the bed next to Adam, "But what can I do? She's a double-edged sword. It's dangerous to love her and it's dangerous to pretend I don't. Either way we're both screwed. Everything is so messed up and it's all my fault."

"Don't do that," Adam awkwardly placed a hand on Eli's shoulder, trying to be as comforting as he could be, "You know better than to think that about yourself. I am sure everything will work itself out eventually..."

"It was easy almost," Eli sighed, "When I was away from school, I could almost pretend she didn't exist. But now I can't escape her. Even if I don't want to, I still see her practically everywhere in the halls and at lunch and in class. She's always there reminding me what I gave up that night when I made that phone call - when I crashed. Do you know how painful that is?"

"No," Adam answered honestly, "I don't. I am sorry bud. I really am. I wish I could give you some wise words of advise but I can't. I don't know what to do either. I am here for both of you though. Why don't you set up the Nintendo and I'll go inform your parents they have a guest for dinner, alright?"

Clare was sitting at her computer trying her best to work on her essay. It was too difficult though. Every time she tried to write a sentence, she was reminded of how different everything was and how painful these memories were. She saved the document and turned off the computer. It was just too much. She tried to convince herself that she was making the right choice for both of them in denying any sort of friendship, but she wasn't exactly all that confident in her decision.

She was lost in her thoughts when her cellphone buzzed, alerting her to an incoming text. It was from, of course, Adam.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Liar."

"How come you always text me asking if I am okay when we both know I'm not? What's up?"

"Just kicked Eli's ass at Mario Kart. He's in the bathroom now and I thought I'd say hi. So...hi!'

"Hi. Is he okay?"

"I am sure it's the chili dog he ate at lunch, but he'll be fine."

"Not what I meant and you know it," Clare rolled her eyes as she typed, "So? Is he?"

"Are you?"

"Not really."

"Then there's your answer. He's out. See ya tomorrow."

"Adam, am I making a mistake? How do I know if I'm making the right choice?" Clare's fingers shook as she texted him, "I mean...I want to be friends but it'd dangerous. The feelings I have when we are together are too much. It's like either way, together or not, we're screwed."

"Funny. I think I heard that earlier this evening from someone else."

Clare tossed her phone aside and curled up in a ball on her bed. She didn't even bother to change into her pajamas or turn down the covers. Her head was swimming with thoughts. She didn't want to lose Eli, but having him in her life was almost as painful as not having him in her life. She knew if they were friends, she'd laugh with him and that'd make her want to hold his hand and hug him and kiss him. There'd be boundaries that she wasn't used to, and that she'd be willing to cross. She couldn't though. Not for his sake and not for her sake.

_Toxic, _she reminded herself, _we are toxic. This is for the best. I know it is. We both just need to be apart. It's for our own good. Isn't i? _


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I do not own the song that the title is named for - that belongs to Brand New. Also, why is it when I go to edit an uploaded document, the print is suddenly so tiny. Ugh. I am squinting as I write this. **

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Five –**_**I'm too weak to be your cure **_

"So…are you going to spill about what was going on last night?"

Clare glanced up from her cereal and saw Jake saunter into the kitchen. He was by far the last person that she wanted to deal with at that moment and the fact that he was standing there when all she wanted to be was alone made her want to strangle his scrawny neck. She put down her spoon calmly into her bowl and said –

"I haven't the slightest…"

"You were up fixing hot tea at, like, three in the a.m. Clare. I wanted to say something then, but you didn't look too good and I decided I didn't want my head getting bit off – I rather like my head – so I let it go. But now, I'm curious. What's eating you?"

She wanted to scream at him and asked why he even cared in the first place, but she decided she didn't her mother grounding her for being bratty, and so she simply shrugged and replied, "I just couldn't sleep. There's nothing wrong."

"Eli?"

"What? No. Of course not. Eli and I…we're…we're done, Jake. He's out of my life. Well, though not entirely. We had a project to do together in English this week and I was working on my part of it last night. We met up yesterday and we both decided we should be civil but we just can't be friends. It doesn't end well if we try."

Jake nodded as if he understood and pulled out the leftover chicken from the fridge. Clare grimaced, wondering how, and why, he could possibly love fried chicken so much.

"For breakfast? Really, Jake?"

"Why not?" It was his turn to shrug, "So, you're okay?"

"Yeah. I just needed to get that assignment finished up and then I went to bed. The hot tea helped. But there's nothing wrong. We – Eli and I – are in a good place right now. He needs to focus on him, and I can focus more on schoolwork. Really, this is a good thing."

"Then how come it doesn't sound like I'm the one you're trying to convince," Jake asked, sitting down across from her at the table, "Hmm?"

"Jake…"

"Just sayin'. So, want a ride to school? I mean, you can't keep up the whole 'I'll just walk' act for too long."

"It's fine."

"It's not, and Helen said if I don't take you today, she will."

"Fine," Clare got up to put her dishes in the sink, "I'll go with you."

"You can pick the music," Jake offered, raising an eyebrow. Clare's brow furrowed and she tilted her head to the side, transported to yesterday when Eli would flash her that same glance. She tried to shake the thought from her head, but she couldn't help it. She had had a good time with him yesterday, but it was dangerous and they had come to proper terms. It was for the best. So then why did she feel like this?

After dodging Jake, she hurried upstairs to get her things together. After making sure everything was packed away in her backpack, she started on her hair and makeup. She realized she was doing it again – putting on the extra eyeliner and curling her hair a certain way. She tried to tell herself it was just because she enjoyed the confidence boost such things gave her, but she knew better even if she wasn't about to admit it anytime soon.

On the way to school, Jake didn't bother to make small talk, which she was thankful for. She clutched her bag to her chest and tried to ignore the fact that in a while, she would have to exchange papers with Eli so they could look over them. She had been up practically all night working on hers. After talking to Adam for a bit, she had fallen asleep only to awake in panic, realizing she still had so much to do for her essay. After several cups of hot tea and a bag of fruit snacks, she had pumped out the essay. She hoped Eli would like it, or at least approve. She had tried to keep it as objective as she could, but it had been difficult. They had endured so much and she was pretty certain they were the only ones who knew so much about the other. To pretend that didn't count for anything was unconvincing.

When they arrived at school, Clare was putting her things away at her locker when Adam approached her. He was holding a paper in his hands and shrugged when he neared her.

"What's up?" Clare asked, eyeing the paper he was holding and knowing very well what was going on. It frustrated her completely.

"Being the messenger boy," Adam rolled his eyes, "Did you do your essay?"

"Yup," she handed over the copy, "I'll give you his back after lunch, alright?"

"Yeah, he said just to make notes if there's anything you want changed."

"Awesome," Clare's voice was clipped and Adam shrugged again. He hated how he always found himself somehow in the middle. It was frustrating to see them not even being able to communicate without a third party doing so for them. They used to be inseparable. Adam tried not to think too hard on it as he handed Clare Eli's essay.

"See you at English then."

"Yeah," Clare sighed and stuffed the essay in her backpack. She wanted to desperately run into the bathroom, lock herself in the stall, and read what Eli had written about her, but she knew she couldn't do that. She would just have to wait until lunch to look over the essay. It was driving her crazy, practically burning a hole through her backpack. When she got to English, Eli was already there. He didn't even look up as she walked past him. She couldn't help but wonder if he had read her essay yet, or if he was waiting until lunch too. She suddenly felt her stomach clench with nerves.

What if he didn't like it? What if she had gone too far in some of the things she had said? It was driving her crazy, but she knew she couldn't overthink. She just needed to focus and get through the rest of the morning. At lunch she could start freaking out.

"Hi," Adam waved at her as she pulled out her binder.

"Hello again," Clare flashed him a shy smile. She turned and glanced at Eli who was propping her head up with his wrist. He wasn't even acknowledging her and it was driving her crazy. What happened to being civil? This was not civil. Ignoring each other was far from being civil. Clare wanted to shake him.

The rest of the class went about the same – awkward and filled with tension. Clare tried to pay attention to the lecture. She genuinely did. But it was hard, especially with Eli sitting just a few inches in front of her. She wanted to say something to him, anything, but he was being so distant. As they were packing up after the bell rang, she decided to push her luck a bit.

"You know, Ms. Dawes has a dictionary you could use."

"For what?" Eli turned on her, acknowledging her for the first time all day.

"To look up the definition of '_civil_.'" Clare rolled her eyes and brushed past him as she made her way through the aisle of desks, making sure to bump into him as she did. If he wasn't going to pay attention to her, or give her the time of day, she wasn't just going to let him get away with it.

"Maybe you should look up the definition of the word '_rhymes with witch_.'"

"That's not…" Clare turned on her heel and stormed out of the classroom, realizing what he had meant by that. She knew they couldn't be friends, but yesterday they had left it in agreement to be civil. This was not civil. Not one bit.

She made her way to the library and decided to forgo study hall. Once in the library, she picked out a table and sat down to read the essay he had written about her.

* * *

"Whoa," Adam held up his hands, "Chill."

"What?" Eli smirked, hiking his backpack on his shoulder, "She deserved that."

"You two are both being pains," Adam rolled his eyes, "What is wrong with you? What happened to civil?"

"It's too hard," Eli grumbled, following into step with Adam as they headed to their next class, "I mean, being civil with her makes me want to talk with her more and one thing leads to another thing and before I know it I want to shove her up against a locker and kiss her like she's never been kissed before."

"_God_," Adam grimaced, "TMI much?"

"Sorry," Eli felt a flush creep across his cheeks, "But it's true. Ignoring her and…and being a bit mean to her," he said as he sucked in a deep breath, "is easier. I can…I can distance myself from her easier that way."

"This is _not_ going to end well," Adam rolled his eyes, following Eli to his locker, "You two are just asking for some sort of big blow up. I can sense it."

"Whatever," it was Eli's turn to roll his eyes, "right now though, this is what is best, Adam. I know what I am doing."

"You do? Because from where I am standing you both don't have a clue. Have you read the essay I gave you earlier?"

"Not yet, I'll look over it at lunch I guess. Have…have you peeked at it?"

"No," Adam looked offended, "I gave it straight to you. You know me better than that. This is your business and you two have to be the ones to figure it out. But like I said, I am neutral. I just think that pushing each other away is going to causer bigger problems."

"Well, when I ask for your opinion, I'll let you know."

"Ouch."

"Sorry," Eli slammed the locker door shut, "I just…"

"I know," Adam nodded, understandingly, "Just…watch it, alright?"

"Yeah, uh-huh," Eli shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling guilty about snapping at Adam. He was just trying to help, and he knew that he wasn't exactly in the most comfortable position.

The rest of the morning seemed to drag on and on. Finally, Eli found himself off at a lunch table away from the buzz of the other students, and able to finally read Clare's essay in peace and quiet.

* * *

_ Clare Edwards and I have been partners for most of the year. When I was first assigned to work with her, I will be honest, I didn't want to. Her writing lacked emotion. She was so caught up in trying to make her writing proper that she forgot to put her own voice in her writing. After working together for a while, I realize that she wasn't the only one who had things to learn. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me, and cause my judgment to fail. That happened a few weeks ago when I purposefully crashed my car._

_ Clare Edwards, throughout the past year, has grown as a writer and a person. She has overcome so much, and I think I will always admire her for that. She has endured her sister moving away, her parents' divorce, her mother's remarriage, and lastly, me. She never deserved to have so much on her plate, but she coped so well throughout it all. Sure, there were rough patches, but she is one of the strongest people I know and she's overcome everything the universe has tossed at her._

_ I enjoyed working with Clare a lot the past year. We had some great times together and our partnership grew into a friendship, which grew into a romance. I don't regret any of the time I spent with her, or the many different hats I wore when I was with her. But I do regret letting my emotions cloud my judgment and I do regret hurting her like I did. Right now, we're both not in a very good place. I am struggling every day, and though she will never say it, she is too._

_ Being around her is painful. Seeing her in the halls reminds me of the magic I lost when I crashed my car. _

_When I broke down. _

_When I lost it. _

_Seeing her in class is worse. I loved working with Clare. She is a great writer and I know she will go on to do great things. I will bet good money one of these days she will be a journalist for some big paper maybe in New York or something. But I just cannot be her partner. I know the decision is up to you, Ms. Dawes, but please take what I say into consideration. It's too hard right now. _

_ I wish more than anything that things were different. Hell, I wish that every night. In a perfect world, Clare and I could be partners and we would continue to help each other grow and to teach each other. But I just don't think I can be that person. I am not strong enough to be that person – or at least not at the moment. _

_ Clare Edwards is a beautiful person. She brings so much light into whomever she is with even if some people don't necessarily realize how badly they need and want that light that she gives. She will be a great partner to whomever you place her with, but that person just cannot be me. I wish you all the best in choosing another partner for her. Clare, as amazing as she is, is absolute hell to work with sometimes. Whomever you choose will have to be able to put up with quite a lot from her. But I am sure in the end, they will realize how worth it is just to get to be with someone as special as she, and both Clare and her new partner will improve each other and push each other. _

Clare didn't realize she had been crying until a tear drop smudged the ink on the page. Quickly she ripped at the toilet paper roll and patted at the paper trying to get it dry. No use. The telltale sign that she had been brought to tears on account of his words was right there in the middle of the page.

* * *

_Elijah Goldsworthy. He is so many things to so many people – a friend, a son, an enemy, a pain, an annoyance, a blessing, a gift, a mess, a curse, but all these things make him the beautiful thing he is. Eli is something special. He will walk into your life and turn everything on a dime. He is messy and he is obnoxious and he is not afraid to tear anyone down. But that being said, he has been a joy to get to work with over the past year._

_ All my life I have been that straight A student. I get high As in my classes, but my scores aren't perfect and there is always room for improvement. Because I get such good grades, no one has ever questioned my work before, and no one has ever dared pushed me to be even better. Eli was the first person to ever do that. At first, it was insulting. I was not about to take advice from someone who looked like he had just walked out of the Marilyn Manson convention. But there was something special about him and the way he demanded me to listen to what he had to say. Throughout our partnership, he tore down every wall I had ever built up. Everything I thought I had figured out had been turned on its hinges, and nothing made sense anymore. He broke me down and he built me back up. He saw something in me that everyone sees but no one really pays much mind to – potential. _

_ Because of Eli, I know I have grown not just as a writer, but as a person. He is an amazing, special person and he truly has the power to genuinely reach into your life and change you in ways you never expected or wanted to be changed. Through him, I found my voice not only in my writing, but as a person. He brought me out of my shell and encouraged me and critiqued me. He broke me down sometimes and he always was there to build me back up. We became friends and eventually more than just. _

_ Not everything was perfect, but to me, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. There is something special about Eli that demands to be heard and noticed. I know one of these days he will be a famous writer, and I can assure you, I will buy however many copies of his book, or however many tickets of his play I possibly can. He is going to go on to do great things in his life, and I will always support him and want to see him achieve the world._

_ Right now, we have both gone through so much. I do not think it is wise for us to be in a partnership with each other again. I am afraid we would not be professional and our work would reflect that. For the sake of our grades, I just do not see us being able to work well together. Whoever becomes his partner needs to be there for him in absolutely more ways than just one. Eli puts so much of himself into his writing, it is as if he opens his veins onto the paper. The person who is going to work with him needs to be able to handle that. They need to be able to be strong enough to not break under his intensity, but be able to push that intensity right back at him. They need to not be afraid of hurting him, and they need to be able to build him up. They need to both teach him, and learn from him. They need to be open to whatever suggestions he comes up with, and they need to not be afraid of telling him to keep himself grounded. I am not strong enough to be that person any longer._

_ Elijah Goldsworthy needs someone who is going to be able to be strong enough to deal with him – to deal with the emotions, and the good and the bad, and the beauty and the ugly, and the joy and the pain, and the complete and utter arrogant sarcasm he is not afraid to throw around every now and then. Eli needs someone special to work with him. He deserves someone special to work with him. I am no longer that person._

Eli didn't realize that his hands were shaking so badly until he noticed how ghostly white his knuckles had turned, and the way the paper had crumpled under the pressure of his grip. Despite the shaking hands, a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lip as he furrowed his brows and muttered -

"Really, Edwards? Marilyn Manson convention?"


	6. Chapter 6

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass, and We Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Six: **_**It's Complicated **_

Clare worked up her courage. She couldn't just sit in the bathroom for the rest of the day. She grabbed her backpack and made her way towards the sink. Her eyes were red rimmed, and she tried to touch up her make up in hopes of concealing the evidence that she had been crying. It worked, to an extent. She wasn't going to have Adam play messenger boy anymore. She needed to face Eli, and he needed to face her. There was so much left unspoken, and she wasn't going to have it end like this. There needed to be some sort of closure and these essays were far from closure.

She made her way out towards the picnic tables where she knew Eli would be eating. Sure enough, there he was. Her essay was lying on the table, sticking out from under his binder so it wouldn't blow away. She smoothed the pleats of her skirt as she headed towards him. Her throat felt as though it was closing shut, ad she hated the feeling of nerves slinking through her stomach. But she needed to talk to him.

"Hi," she said, holding his essay against her chest.

"Um…hi," Eli glanced up from his bag of chips, "What's up?"

"I-I was just returning your essay."

"Adam could have…"

"No, Eli. I am not having Adam be our messenger boy. We need to talk."

"Ugh," he sighed and put down his bag of chips, "Fine."

"Drop the charade, Elijah," Clare sat down across from him, "I know this whole thing is all an act. You're not a jerk, so stop acting like you are. You're better than your attitude right now. Now then, I read your essay and…" her voice faltered, her confidence vanishing. It was easy to be stern with him, but now they had to be serious and face the words they had written.

"What?" Eli asked, but his voice had lost its chill, "Clare?"

"It was…it was really good," she slid his essay over to him.

"Yeah well…yours was too."

They sat there in awkward silence for a bit and Eli handed her her essay, "Here. It was good."

"I…I wanted to make sure it wasn't too…um…"

"Yeah, same here."

"Yeah," Clare tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"So, what makes you think this is some charade?" Eli asked, blinking.

"Because I know you better than that, Eli. You're not this person. I don't know why you're acting so strangely, but when we agreed to be civil, I didn't agree to this. It's almost like you can't stand being around me anymore. I don't know if that's because of me, or because it's difficult for other…uh…reasons. "

Eli's brows knitted together and he opened his mouth to say something just as –

"Hi guys!"

"Hey, Adam," Clare waved.

"What's up?"

"We were just exchanging our essays," Eli explained, then turned back to Clare; and with the ice back in his voice, said, "And Clare was just leaving."

"Oh," Adam's face fell, clearly disappointed, "Um…okay."

"Yeah," Clare tried to pretend as though Eli's words had no effect on her, but the way Adam was watching her put her essay away and run her hand through her curls let her know that he knew better than that, "I was just…um…leaving."

Clare hiked her bag up onto her shoulder and tried to keep her voice level as she said, "I'll see you guys later."

After she was out of earshot, Adam turned and glared daggers at Eli.

"What?" Eli asked, shrugging.

"What the hell, man?" Adam demanded, "What was that?"

"I don't know what you're…"

"Drop it."

"You know I can't do this right now, Adam."

"Yeah, okay….that's bullshit and you know it, Eli. You're being an ass and you know you are."

"It's easier…"

"It's easier than what?"

"Than…I don't know," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "If I am nice to her, it makes me think that there might be a chance we could be friends again, and if I feel that, then I feel there is a chance at normalcy with her. And there can never be normalcy with her."

"What is normal with you two?" Adam asked, "Because last I noticed one moment you were practically wanting to jump each other and make out but were repressing it, then you two are inseparable, and then you guys…"

"Alright," Eli held up a hand, "so normal might not be the right word. I just…I can't stop thinking about her, Adam. I want to…I want to get her back but I know how dangerous that is for both of us. It is best if she just stays away from me, and the only way I can keep her away from me is by being a jerk and driving her away. Do you think I enjoy hurting her? Do you think I'm that much of a sadist? I can't stand it, Adam. I can't take seeing her hurt especially on account of me."

"Then here's a concept: don't do it."

"It's for her own good."

"Oh shut up," Adam shook his head, "This isn't good for either one of you."

"What do you know?" Eli rolled his eyes, "I am doing what's best for her…"

"So you're hurting her and driving her away and probably breaking her…"

"Stop it!" Eli didn't realize he had shouted until several pairs of eyes fell on him; he blushed, lowered his voice, and said, "It's just easier this way. It's better for me to hurt her and push her away so she will stay away from me than to hurt her unwillingly and in a worse way."

"Oh yes, because watching the guy she loves treat her like shit is far from the worst thing you could do to her."

"Adam…"

"Look, I pretty much sit back and let you do whatever you want because I know I can't stop you, and I know you, for the most part, got a handle on what you're doing. But this is Clare and she is one of my best friends, Eli. If someone hurts her, I'm going to want to hurt them."

Eli ran a hand through his hair, "Fine. I'll back off."

"Fine," Adam didn't take his eyes off of Eli's until Eli finally backed down and returned to his potato chips.

That afternoon, Clare found Eli leaning against her locker, his arms folded across his chest.

"I-I need to get my books."

"Hi Eli, how are you? Fine, Clare, thanks for asking!"

"Eli…"

Eli good-naturedly rolled his eyes and rolled off of her locker, "We need to talk."

"Last time I tried talking I believe you pretty much shooed me away."

"Look," Eli inhaled a sharp breath, "I am sorry for being a jerk. You were right, that's not me."

"Why are you being like that then?" Clare asked, dialing her locker combination, "I don't understand."

"Because," Eli sighed, "I got it into my head that…that pushing you away was keeping you safe from me. If I pushed you away enough, you'd leave and there would be no chance of me hurting you again."

"Eli…that makes no sense what so ever. In trying to stop hurting me, you turned to hurting me?"

"I know," Eli sighed and leaned against the locker next to hers. She tried to ignore the fact that she could smell his Polo Black cologne, "It was stupid. I just…I am so new to this, Clare. I don't know what to do. I mean, I am so used to us being joined at the hip practically. I don't know how to act around you."

"I know. I am in the same position. It's so weird, and it never used to be weird."

"It's not supposed to be weird. It's us."

"Well, things change."

"We changed."

Clare nodded solemnly, too afraid that her voice would crack if she tried to speak.

"I liked your essay," Eli shoved his hands into his pockets, still not able to look in her eyes. Instead, he stared straight ahead. It was easier that way.

"I liked yours too. I didn't even have any corrections."

"Me either. But Marilyn Manson convention? Come on, Edwards. You can do better than that."

A small smile crossed her face, and she turned to see that familiar smirk lift the corner of his lip, "Well, it's true," she said, shutting her locker.

Eli stuck out his tongue at her and followed her to the front doors of the school, "So, tomorrow we'll turn them into Ms. Dawes?"

"Yup. It's all in her hands now rather or not we will be working together any further."

Eli nodded, "It was um…an honor to work with you, Clare."

"Same," she made the mistake of glancing up into his eyes, and realized the double meaning behind his words, "Eli…"

"You're going to go on and do great things, Clare. You'll be a fantastic journalist one of these days. And your next English partner is going to be even better than I was. Just you wait. You're going to learn so much from each other, and he'll help you be even better…"

"He?"

"Or she."

"Yeah," Clare nodded, blinking to keep the tears from falling, "I mean, you too. You're going to have an amazing English partner for your senior year. I am sure you two will help each other so much, and really be there for one another. I am sure you two will work amazingly well together and she will be there for you through so much."

"She?"

"Or he."

"Yeah," it was Eli's turn to nod, "I mean, people change and people grow. We're both going to have a lot of different people coming in and out of our lives."

"It's how life works," Clare sat down on the steps to wait for Jake.

"Exactly. And I mean, I'll still see you around."

"Oh definitely," she felt as though her heart was being squeezed, and Clare wished she could be anywhere but right there. Eli was standing a few steps in front of her. She wished he would just leave so she could finally cry, but he wasn't going anywhere yet.

"I mean, you need someone who's going to really help you grow as a journalist."

"Oh yeah. And one of these days, you're going to write a play on Broadway or publish a novel and I am going to be there buying tickets and copies and supporting you anyway I can."

"And I'll always remember you – my grade eleven English partner."

"Same."

"Well, I guess I should be going. Mrs. Torres is giving me a ride."

"Oh, yeah. You shouldn't um…you shouldn't make her wait."

"Nope. Especially when I am still trying to get on her good side after everything. She thinks I am a bad influence on Adam which is total crap, but whatever."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Do you uh…do you have a ride?"

"Jake will take me home. He drove me this morning."

"Ah," Eli nodded, "Well, I guess I'll see you in English tomorrow. And we can get those essays turned in."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah."

"Eli…"

"Hmm?" Eli turned around as he was about to leave. There was something that was almost hopeful in his eyes.

"Uh…have a good evening."

And just like that, it was gone.

"Yeah, you too, Edwards."

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and headed towards the Torres mini-van. Clare sighed and leaned back against the steps. Why was this so difficult? She hated it. They were already broken up, so why then, did it feel like they were breaking up for a second time?


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Long chapter! Wow! I know I promised this would have Ms. Dawes discussing their essays, but his story is kind of taking a mind all its own and so I am just letting it do its thing. It will be in the next chapter though.**

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Seven – **_**Home is in Your Arms**_

"Ready to do this?" Eli asked as he brushed past Clare.

"Yup," she tried to sound as confident as possible as she made her way over to Ms. Dawes' desk, "Ms. Dawes, we have our essays you assigned us."

"Excellent," Ms. Dawes tapped on her desk with her pen, "Just put them there. I will read them this weekend and I'd like for the two of you to stay after on Monday and we can discuss what I read, alright? Now then, please take your seats and pull out your copies of _Death of a Salesman_."

"Yes ma'am," Clare nodded and returned to her desk.

"Got your essays turned in?" Adam asked and Clare and Eli took their seats.

"Yeah," Eli shrugged, "Now it's all up to her. I hope she realizes that we just don't work well together. I mean, it'd be a mistake to try and force us to work together, right?" He turned around in his desk and faced Clare for the first time since he had come back to class. The action surprised her, and she lifted her head, mouth agape.

"Um…yeah. Definitely. We need different partners."

"I think we can all agree on that, right Adam?"

"Oh God," Adam winced, "I am not involved, Eli."

"Whatever," Eli rolled his eyes, "So are we still on for video games tonight?"

"You bet! You're going down, Goldsworthy!"

"You wish!"

"Hey," Adam turned to Clare, "Are you still okay for coming over on Saturday for a movie night? I mean, we have the comic book signing that afternoon, but you can come over Saturday night if you want?"

"Sure, that works for me," Clare nodded, glad to have plans for the first time in a long time. Adam had tried to schedule plans, but Eli kept getting in the way. It would be nice to get out of the house and do something besides going to school.

"Great. I made an awesome haul at Creature From The Black Lagoon!"

"Dude, isn't that that cheap horror movie shop that sells things like _Substitute Teacher from Hell_?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"_Substitute Teacher from the Mars Swamps_, to be exact."

"Yeah," both eyebrows went up into his bangs as he turned to Clare, "Have fun with that one."

Clare rolled her eyes, "Adam, maybe we could watch something else…"

"Clare, these movies are classic and you know it! How can you not just love _Spaghetti Monster from Uranus_?"

"I can think of _so_ many things to say to that right now," Eli smirked.

Clare couldn't help but laugh and for a second, she caught herself thinking that things were normal, "Adam, are you serious? What kind of movie is that? That sounds like something college film students would put together whilst under the influence of marijuana."

Adam scoffed, "You two just don't appreciate good film."

"You really just said that about him?" Clare pointed a manicured finger towards Eli.

"Yeah, man. If anything, I am an expert in film."

"Not _good_ film."

"Excuse me? Do you _want_ a beat down?"

"Oh as if you could do anything."

"Really? You're pushing it," Eli grinned and rolled his eyes, "Have fun with his little movie night Saturday," he said to Clare just as he turned around to face the front of the classroom. Clare opened her mouth to say something, but at that point, Ms. Dawes was already starting the lecture.

She tried to pay attention – she really did. But it was difficult. For a brief moment, they almost sounded like normal – as if nothing had ever happened or come between them. Clare even found herself wistfully musing over what it would be like if Eli were to join them on Saturday. She could picture he and Adam bantering back and forth, and Adam being eventually punched through a pillow a couple of times and somehow popcorn would wind up on the floor and Ms. Torres would come in all cross, and Eli and Adam would both point to the other. She smiled at the thought.

"Yes, Ms. Edwards? Do you have something to comment?"

Ms. Dawes voice took her by surprise and she had no idea what to say. She realized how far gone her mind had wandered, and now she sat with all eyes on her waiting for her to contribute to the lecture. She didn't even know what they had been discussing. Something about Salesmen?

"Uh…well, you see…"

"Clare was just thinking of the parallels between _Death of a Salesman_ and _The Crucible_ and how they both um…show the impossibilities of the American Dream and that…it's interesting to see how they reflect the time period Arthur Miller grew up in and…"

"And what does that have to do with her smiling as if something was amusing?"

"Because it's the first time she's ever really understood the play?" Eli raised an eyebrow hopefully, and Ms. Dawes sighed, shook her head, and accepted his answer.

Clare sunk down in her seat. He wasn't going to let this one go easily and now she was indebted to him. Why had he gone and answered for her anyway? Why did he jump in like that? It wasn't his place to just jump to her aid like that, and for some reason that made her very uncomfortable. After class, she grabbed his arm and spun him around so he was facing her.

"What was that?"

"Me saving your ass from drowning back there," he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to fall for that."

"Fall for what?"

"That eyebrow thing. You think you can just raise your eyebrow and smirk your way out of any situation. Well, I don't need you to come to my aid like that."

"Hey, you weren't exactly helping yourself out. I was merely…"

"Well, whatever you were doing, don't. I don't need your help, Eli," and then, as a final stinging blow, she added, "You're not my boyfriend!" just as she was headed towards the door. Eli sighed and caught Adam's eye.

"Wow."

Adam shrugged, not really knowing what to say or do, "She's probably just embarrassed. She never gets called out in class like that. Dawes knows that and so she took the opportunity to. She'll get over it. So, are you stoked for video games and tomorrow afternoon?"

The next day Adam and Eli went to the comic book store for the signing and to pretty much blow their allowances on the newest editions. Afterwards, while they were stopped at The Dot for burgers, Eli's phone rang.

"Hey."

"Baby boy! I am so sorry, but your father and I have to go out of town to visit Aunt Jodi. We'll be back Sunday evening, but I was wondering if it would be okay with Audra if you were to stay with them tonight?" Eli's heart sank.

He was so used to his parents trusting him and he wasn't used to the fact that they no longer did. That really bothered him. Sure, he had messed up a lot of things; but one thing that really hurt him was the fact that he had hurt his parents as much as he did. Bullfrog had talked to him about it once, and Eli couldn't help but notice the tears in his eyes. He had never seen his dad cry before - well, since Julia that is. It wasn't something he wanted to relive. He had known he had screwed up, but they didn't even trust him to stay at the house by himself?

"Cece, I think I am capable of staying at the house by myself."

"Sweetie, this not the time for arguments. Please just ask."

"Cece…"

"Elijah!" Eli's eyebrow shot up. Okay, so pressing the matter might not be the best choice. He frowned, knowing it wouldn't do him an good to argue. Cece was set on him asking Adam, and he didn't need a fight right now.

"Fine. I'll see if Audra can babysit me tonight. Happy?"

"_Ecstatic_. I love you."

"I love you too," Eli rolled his eyes. After his mom hung up, he explained to Adam the situation.

"Well, of course you know it's fine with me, but I'll have to ask my mom. And what should I do about Clare, huh? Do you want me to call and cancel?"

Eli winced. He knew Clare didn't hang out much with anyone anymore. He didn't want her plans with Adam to be canceled on account of him. Then again, he wasn't sure he really wanted to do a movie night with her either. It would be awkward, especially after she had snapped at him like she had. Eli gave in, "No, don't do that. I am sure we can keep it civil for one night."

"I dunno, last time you wanted to keep it civil it didn't work out so hot."

"Adam, we're both mature people. It'll be fine."

Audra agreed that Eli could spend the night as long as the boys stayed in the basement and didn't leave the house late at night. Eli rolled his eyes and asked Adam if his mom really thought they'd just take off and crash a car for the grins of it all. Adam didn't really have a response to that. As Eli was flipping through the channels on the TV, Adam decided to call Clare and give her a heads up. He decided it probably wouldn't be best if she just walked in to find Eli there.

"Looks like there'll be an extra for movie night tonight," Adam's voice was cheery.

"What?"

"Eli's spending the night. Cece and Bullfrog are going out of town or something and wanted him to crash here…"

"Why? I thought you said he was better. Are they worried about leaving him home alone?" Clare's brow knitted together as she threw some movie snacks into a bag.

"I don't know. But I don't think they have anything to worry about. He's fine. So, are you still coming, or is Eli going to scare you away from an awesome movie marathon?"

"Eli can't scare me away from anything," Clare replied adamantly, "And I'm just packing up some movie snacks and then I'll head over. Do you want Sour Gummy Worms or Neon Sour Gummy Worms?"

"Um…both!"

"Of course. See you soon."

After she hung up the phone, panic set in. So Eli would be there. That'd be…interesting. She slumped against the counter and tried to gather her thoughts. If Eli was going to be there, she should probably change and maybe do some makeup…no that would be too desperate and something Ali would do. Ali. Clare sighed again. She wanted so badly to hang out with the three of them just like they used to. She remembered the countless movie nights they would have and how much fun they always were. But things were different now. Things would always be different...

"Who robbed Willy Wonka?"

"Not now, Jake."

"But…you have like _a ton_ of candy!"

"Yes, I am going over to Adam's for a movie night."

"Oh. Fun."

"Yup."

"So shouldn't you be…excited or something?"

"It's fine, Jake. Don't worry. Hey! Don't eat that!"

"You have so much, I doubt anyone is going to miss one pack of Bottle Caps."

"Those are gross anyway."

"You're gross anyway," Jake made a face and sauntered out of the kitchen, leaving Clare even more exasperated than she was before he had entered. She tossed in the rest of the snacks – a bag of pre-popped popcorn and a bag of nacho chips for Adam. She checked herself over in the mirror before deciding she was being ridiculous.

What did it matter how she looked? It was just Adam – and Eli, but Eli didn't matter. Normally she and Adam had movie nights in their pajamas much to her mother's dismay. But Clare really felt no need to dress up around Adam, especially just to sit on the couch and fight over popcorn and which movie to watch. She adjusted the sweatpants on her hips and pulled her t-shirt down in the back. After combing through her curls with her fingers, she told her mom she was finally ready.

"I am just so glad you and Adam are spending time together," Helen said on the way to Adam's, "I mean, I would rather you spend time with Ali, but I know things aren't the best right now. I am just glad the two of you can get together without the stress of that Elijah boy."

"Eli, Mom."

"Well, either way, I am just glad you won't be cooped up in the house. It's good to get out and do something with friends every now and then, Clare. Why, I was just suggesting to Jake that he should invite you to hang out with him and that Jenna girl."

Clare felt her stomach flip, "Mom, I am fine, really. I don't need to hang out with Jake and Jenna."

"What movie are you going to watch?"

"Adam bought some new ones at this vintage movie shop down town. We'll probably watch a few."

"How late will you be?"

"Um…"

"You know what," a small, tight smile crossed Helen's lips, "Jake isn't doing anything tonight. You can stay out tonight until…eleven."

"Eleven?"

"You deserve to have some fun with your friends. Now then, I'll have Jake come get you then, alright? Just…have a good time and be sure to use your manners, and thank Audra for letting you come over."

"Yes ma'am."

After Helen dropped off Clare, she carried the bag of treats up to the Torres' front door. When she rang the doorbell, she was surprised to see Eli there. Of course she knew he would be there, but she was still surprised that he was answering the door.

"Um…hi."

"Hi."

"Where's Adam?"

"Bathroom. Uh…come in."

He held the door open wider and Clare slipped inside, "I brought uh…snacks."

"I see that."

"Look, Eli…about yesterday and what I said after English…"

"It's fine. I won't jump in like that again. Next time, you can just drown, alright?" He was smiling as he said it, but it wasn't a happy or a teasing smile. Clare nodded and followed Eli into the basement where she set up the snacks on the coffee table.

"You know," Clare paused and caught Eli's eyes in her own, "I-I don't really like the idea of drowning."

"You know," Eli smirked, "I don't really like the idea of jut stepping back and letting you drown."

"What…what does that mean?" Clare ducked her head to hide the blush on her cheek.

"Awesome! Clare's here!"

"Adam!" Clare gasped and tucked a curl behind her ear, "Hi!"

"Did I miss something?" He asked, pointing from Clare to Eli.

"Nope," Eli jumped the back of the couch and waved towards the TV, "Are we going to start this movie marathon, or what?" _Adam and his forever-bad timing... _

"Sure!"

Clare awkwardly stood off to the side before Adam patted the couch cushion in between him and Eli as if it was nothing, "Are you just going to stand there all night?"

"No," she uncomfortably took a seat in between the two, and Adam adjusted slightly so she could sit closer to him than Eli. He didn't want any sort of fighting to break out and interrupt his movie.

"The first one we're watching is _Evil Lunch Lady from Laramie's Lagoon_."

"The hell?" Eli made a face, "Adam, there's probably damn good reason these movies are so obscure."

"Okay, Christopher Nolan. Next time I want your opinion of my movies, I'll ask."

"Whatever."

"Guys, if you two start fighting at least let me know so I can move out of the way, okay?" Clare smiled and picked up her bag of popcorn.

"Ooh Kettle Corn!" Eli grabbed it from her.

"Hey! It's called sharing!"

"It's called Eli Goldsworthy always gets what he wants."

"Obnoxious!" Clare grabbed the popcorn back.

"Hey, what happened to your sharing is caring crap?"

"The movie is starting!" Adam hushed them and turned up the volume.

Clare held the bag between her and Eli so that they could both have access. It was weird, but she felt like she did before they had started dating - the butterflies in the pit of her stomach and the constant desire to kiss him. She mentally slapped herself for thinking such a thing. Luckily, the movie was pretty insane, and it was a good distraction to keep her mind off of the boy sitting next to her munching on pop corn.

The movie was just about the worst movie Clare and Eli had ever seen before. Once it was over, Eli voiced his opinions –

"Well, that was a waste of two hours."

"Nuh-uh!" Adam objected, "It was awesome. I bet you weren't expecting the lunch ladies to really be alien clones from planet…"

"Sometimes I think you're an alien clone from another planet," Clare rolled her eyes, "But really Adam, _alien lunch ladies_?"

"When do we get to see the anus spaghetti?" Eli asked curiously as Clare whacked him with a throw pillow, "Ow! Rude!"

"Don't make me separate you two," Adam threatened, "I think we should watch _Goo From Space_ next."

"Adam!" Clare whined, "Can't we pick a movie now?"

"Nope. You know this is how it works when you come to my house for movie nights."

"Why do I even bother?" Clare sighed.

"Because you love me!" Adam grinned and it was his turn to be whacked with a throw pillow, "Ow! Rude!"

"You both are impossible!"

"Is that so?" Eli caught Adam's eye and Clare was whacked on both sides with the throw pillows.

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!" She was laughing and desperately tried to fix her hair, "I'm sorry!"

"You and your hair!" Eli rolled his eyes and pounced, mussing up her hair.

"_Eli_!"

"What? You fix it up too much any ways."

"I do not!" Clare slapped his hands away, "And besides, you use a hair straightener!"

"Dude…seriously?" Adam frowned, "_A hair straightener_?"

"How else do you think I get my hair to look this awesome?" Eli asked, "Now then, are we going to start this movie, or pick on me for using a Chi."

"A Chi?" Adam's eyes nearly popped from his head, "Is it pink?"

"No!"

"It's purple. Not much better," Clare smirked.

"Hey! It was the only one the store had that day. Well, purple or pink glitter. So went with the purple. Sue me. Now then, can we please start the movie already?"

They watched two more movies that night. During their marathon, Audra ordered them pizza and hot wings and soda. It was later than Clare was used to staying out, and during the third movie, she found herself getting tired. She tried to stifle a yawn in her hand, but Eli had caught on.

"It's past your bed time, huh?"

"Says the boy who's best friend's mom needs to baby sit him while his parents are away."

"Hey!" Eli nudged her, his voice lowering to a whisper, "You know…you can always um…rest your head on my shoulder? It won't be weird, I promise. Adam is too caught up with the movie to notice or say anything."

"I think that crosses some boundaries, Eli."

"Fine. If you're too concerned with boundaries, then sit up and watch the movie and don't look so sleepy."

Clare frowned. She was tired, and the idea of resting her head on his shoulder was pretty inviting. She didn't know rather to accept the invitation or not. They were supposed to be civil, but this went beyond civil into friendship territory and Clare wasn't sure if that was okay or not. Hadn't they decided that being friends was dangerous? But she _was_ tired…

Clare rolled her eyes and gave in. She tucked her feet underneath her and leaned against Eli's shoulder. He instinctively put his arm around her and she nestled in further. She had to admit, there was something about being in that position, in his arms and resting against him, their bodies touching so closely that made her feel…at home? It was a feeling she hadn't experienced in a long time.

It was the feeling of his finger brushing her cheek that awoke her. She stirred slightly, and blushed with the realization that she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Eli didn't seem to mind though.

"Hey," he grinned down at her, his voice soft, "sleepy head."

"I fell asleep?"

"Yup."

"I'm sorry!"

"It's okay. Adam is helping his mom with some of the dishes. It's a little after ten, but we went ahead and called your mom for you. She said she'd send Jake over to pick you up."

"Thank you. Did you talk to her or did Adam?"

"I did," Eli winced.

"Oh no."

"She didn't seem surprised. I mean, she said she figured you might hang out with Adam while I was around at some point. She appreciated me calling though. She said she shouldn't have let you stay out so late past your bed time," Eli playfully nudged her.

"Oh no."

"It's fine. I mean, remember, I am the one that needs a baby sitter."

Clare sat up and adjusted her hair, "I'm sorry about that."

"It comes with the territory of being mentally unstable."

"You seem stable to me."

"It's all a façade," Eli grinned, leaning in closer to her, "in reality, I'm actually _quite_ dangerous."

"_Psh_," Clare rolled her eyes, "You?"

"I did crash a car, Clare. And poisoned a kid."

Clare shook her head, "And yet, I can't quite accept you being dangerous."

"Well then, you're quite naïve."

"Or I just know you better than you think. I know you're not dangerous. Would I fall asleep in the arms of someone dangerous?"

"Maybe. Are you a masochist?"

"Of course not. And even if I was, you'd be the sadist in this duo and you're not a sadist."

"You sure? "

"Positive."

Eli nudged her again, "Come on, let's get your things together. Jake will be over here soon."

"Yeah," Clare nodded. Eli stood first and held out his hand to help her up. He helped her gather up some of the movie snacks as a silence fell over the two of them. She wondered what was crossing his mind. And she still wanted to know what he meant with his drowning comment.

"Hey, lovebirds!"

"Adam, no," Eli rolled his eyes, "Just stop before you start."

"What? Unless I missed something, she was asleep in your arms and you were playing with her hair."

"What?" Clare turned to Eli.

"You're exaggerating. She had a…a hair in her eye and I brushed it out of the way."

"Uh-huh," Adam rolled his eyes, "There's a red truck out front. Is that Jake?"

"Yup," Clare grabbed her purse, "You can keep whatever is left of the junk food. I am sorry I fell asleep during your movie, Adam."

"Eh, it's alright," Adam shrugged, "We should do this again."

Eli awkwardly grabbed the nape of his neck, and Clare became captivated by the carpeting as she said, "Yeah, definitely."

Adam walked her to the door, and made sure she had gotten in the truck safe and sound before turning back to Eli, "So spill. What is going on between the two of you, huh? Because that…that was something."

"It's nothing."

"Liar."

"Adam, just drop it."

"Fine, whatever. So, can I have a rematch at Donkey Kong?"


	8. Chapter 8

**We Are All See Through Just Like Glass; And we Can Shatter Just as Fast  
Chapter Eight– _Something Special _**

Clare hadn't heard from Eli all day Sunday. She had checked her phone and her instant messenger just to double-check, but nothing. She didn't know why she kept checking, or why she kept hoping he'd have tried to contact her. She was painfully confused about everything, and was longing for some sort of sign to point her in the right direction with all of this. There had been something Friday at school, and that same something intensified on Saturday night. She had fallen asleep in his arms for goodness' sakes – surely that had to count for something. And the more she thought about that night, the more goosebumps prickled her arms, and her stomach did summersaults. There was definitely something there. Surely she wasn't just imagining things.

She tried to keep busy with helping her mom run errands, but her mind kept wandering back to Eli. It didn't help either that Helen kept asking her about him.

"So how is Elijah doing?"

"You know, it was rather nice of him to call last night."

"For now I think it's best if you two only see each other when Adam or a third-party is present."

"Mom," Clare had tried to explain, "Eli and I are done. We talked everything over and we decided to just be civil towards one another. We aren't even really friends anymore," okay, so it was only a half-lie. Clare was confused anyway and not quite sure what label to attach to their relationship.

"Well…okay," Helen didn't seem convinced, but after that, she dropped the subject. That didn't mean that Clare didn't stop thinking about it though. She was extra nervous for school the next day – not only would she face Eli, but Ms. Dawes would tell them her opinions on their essays. Nothing else seemed to cross her mind. She just prayed that Ms. Dawes would make the right decision – whatever that decision was.

The next day, on her way to English, Clare was trying to stuff a notebook into her bag when she ran right into Eli. They both looked up, startled.

"Sorry," she mumbled shyly.

"It's fine," Eli shrugged, "Are you ready to do this?"

"Definitely," she tried her best to feign confidence, "I mean, surely after reading our essays, she'll be able to make the right decision."

"Oh yeah," Eli nodded confidently, "I mean, you'd have to be blind to think we could ever work well together."

He held the door open for her and together, they slipped into the classroom. Ms. Dawes greeted them and explained that they both were to wait after class to be handed back their essays. The wait was maddening. Clare honestly did try to focus on Death of a Salesman and her vocabulary words, but her thoughts kept wandering to the boy sitting in front of her. Was he just as nervous as she was? What was going through his mind?

But was always, Eli appeared suave and in control. He coolly copied down his notes, craning his neck every once in a while. He gave no indication of anxiety or nerves. Clare, on the other hand, felt as though her heart was going to beat through her chest. She wanted to know what Ms. Dawes had thought of their essays, and if they would be assigned together for next year.

The seconds seemed to drag on and on, until finally the bell rang. After gathering her things, Clare hung behind and waited until Eli was ready and together, they approached Ms. Dawes desk. She was erasing the blackboard and as they walked through the aisles of desks together, Clare swore she felt Eli's fingers brush against hers. She looked up and he was smiling down at her.

"It'll be fine," he told her, "Don't worry."

"Who said I was worried?" Clare tried to sound calm, but the eyebrow he had quirked indicated that he knew her better than that.

"Ms. Dawes?"

"Oh yes," she turned from the board and dug the papers from a folder on her desk, "Your essays. Both were quite excellent. Your writing was superb and I truly enjoyed reading both of them. This is a tough call for me though – you two have put me in quite a compromising position."

She handed the essays back to them and continued, "If I had it my way, I would see to it that you two partner up for next year. You two clearly work magically well together and I think that to lose that sort of partnership would be an absolute shame. However, it is clear there is a lot of history between the two of you. I don't want to be responsible for any triggering," she turned to Eli, "or drama," she turned to Clare, "So with that being my ultimate deciding factor, it is clear you two are adamant about breaking up the partnership. I have no other choice but to let you go your separate ways and find you new partners."

Clare's eyes turned to saucers and Eli ran a hand through his hair. That was not the answer Clare had been anticipating. She had been certain that Ms. Dawes would pressure them into being partners. Now that they were officially done, she wondered what would become of them. They now had no real reason to stay in contact. The assignment and the possibility of having to work together the next year was the only thing that had kept them together.

"I am sure you are both pleased with my decision?" Ms. Dawes asked, looking expectantly at both of them, waiting an answer, "This is, after all, what you both wanted, isn't it?"

Clare felt her voice catch in her throat, "A-are you sure?"

"Well, it wouldn't do any good to force you two to work together when clearly you both are so against it. Which I can understand. You two have both been through a lot and I can understand how it may be painful to work together again."

"Ms. Dawes," it was Eli's turn to speak up, "Maybe you'd like another day to think it over?"

"Mr. Goldsworthy, the decision has been made. This is what you both wanted, isn't it?"

Neither one of them said a word. Ms. Dawes frowned, not quite sure what they were both so upset about. She had read their essays and it had been clear to her that they did not want to work together in the future. She couldn't very well force them to work together if they didn't want to. Besides, it would affect their writing if she did that.

"Mr. Goldsworthy? Ms. Edwards?"

Clare was staring intently at the linoleum tile flooring, unable to meet Ms. Dawes eyes and too terrified to glance over at Eli. This was not how this was supposed to go. Ms. Dawes was supposed to make them work together. Now that that was over, it felt like the final chapter was closing. Everything that had brought them together and held them together was ending. What would connect them now?

The final thread of hope that she had been clutching onto was finally ripping apart. It was stupid, Clare knew that, but she had still hoped that maybe things would have been okay; they would have worked together as partners and hung out and maybe - just maybe - things would have started over. They could have gotten a second shot. Now all of that had been dashed.

Clare just wasn't ready to give it up yet. Being partners had brought them together in the first place. And when all else - relationship and friendship - had ended, it was still the constant. She may not have been anything to Eli but his English Partner, but that was better than being nothing. She could feel her throat tighten and she silently prayed Ms. Dawes would just dismiss them already so she could leave.

"This is what you wanted?" Ms. Dawes repeated, growing a little frustrated that neither was responding to her question.

"Ms. Dawes, you're right," Eli's voice took Clare by surprise and she turned to him, a look of horror on her face. She could handle Ms. Dawes breaking apart their partnership, but she wasn't sure if she could survive hearing Eli do it. They had tried to end it several times, but now this felt real.

Ms. Dawes turned to Eli, and he continued, "You are right in that we have something special. Edwards," his eyes met Clare's, "You and I do have something special. We always have, and if you think I am just going to let that come to a close, you're dead wrong."

A flush overcame Clare's cheeks and she felt as though she was losing her balance as Eli continued, "So, Ms. Dawes, I have to argue against your decision. Clare is the best thing that has ever been in my life. She is a fantastic partner and friend and girlfriend and we've ruined our relationship, but I can't let this partnership be ruined as well. I just can't. I need her in my life somehow and in someway. If all that is is as an English partner, so be it."

"Well then," she was clearly taken aback as she turned to Clare who was trying to compose herself, "Ms. Edwards? What do you have to say?"

"I-I have to agree with Eli."

"Well," Ms. Dawes folded her arms, "All I can say is...I am glad. To break up such a wonderful partnership would be horrendous. I am honored to have you two working together again, and I look forward to getting to teach you two next year in Senior English."

After thanking her, they gathered their bags and headed out the classroom door together. Once out in the hallway, Clare tried to head to her locker. Her brain felt as though it was filled with helium. She was still trying to gather her thoughts and process what had just happened when someone grabbed hold of her arm and spun her around. She found herself standing just inches away from Eli, reminding her much of that afternoon by their bench when he had grabbed her by the wrist and...

"Edwards, where the hell are you going?"

"I-I was just going to go to my locker..."

"You and I need to chat."

"O-okay," Clare tried to keep her breathing level as Eli reached up and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"You know I never settle for anything. If I want something, I fight for it. Well this is me, Clare, standing here and fighting. I don't want to be just your English partner. I will be if that's all you want me to be; but if it were up to me, I'd be something more to you than just your English partner."

"Eli...you mean you want to be friends?"

He rolled his eyes, "Well I don't know," and bit his lip, "I was thinking something more along the line of..." and kissed her.

Clare was taken absolutely by surprise but found herself relaxing into the kiss. All she kept thinking was how wonderful it felt to be kissing him again. The feel of his lips against hers and his hand tangled in her curls...she had no idea how badly she had missed this.

They pulled apart and Eli ran his thumb along her bottom lip; smirking, he said, "...boyfriend."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: I know this is short, but after the last chapter, I knew how I wanted to end this. I sat down and I actually wrote several different endings but kept coming back to this one. Its short, yes but I think its a good closing to this story. That's why I titled it "Conclusion" and not a Chapter. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. Now, off to update my others :) **

**Conclusion **

For a brief moment, Clare's breath snagged in her lungs. When she was able to form words, she looked up and met Eli's waiting glance, "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Eli shrugged casually, "I mean, we could just work together as English partners and pretend that we are nothing more or we could pick back up where we left off before the accident and before all the drama. I know I am not the easiest to be with. Being in a relationship with someone like me is going to be hard and I sometimes wish that that was different. I know they'll be rough times, but I would rather have those rough times with you than have you not be in my life again, Clare."

Clare nodded, thinking over his words briefly. Eli's heart felt as though it was beating a hundred miles a minute. He wanted to know what was going on in that head of hers. Impatience got the better of him, and he grabbed his lower lip between his teeth before asking, "So what do you think?"

A small smile lit her face as she replied, "Twist my rubber arm, boyfriend."


End file.
